Vickie
This is a hard post to make. So hard in fact that I've put off writing it for about 8 weeks. On June 13th, Jim and I ended our Peace Corps service. It was completely a health related decision. Jim was sick and couldn't recover. We struggled with the decision for 2 months, but finally it just became impossible to keep doing the work while feeling sick and not knowing whether he could recover.
So, we packed up most of our things -- all that we could possible lug around from Los Patos to the capital via guaguas and taxis - about 6 or so hours away. Probably the next few days were the easiest days for me because I was relieved to be going home, back to my friends, back to good food, back to a place where I felt comfortable. It was easy not to think about what we were leaving behind while our focus was on getting to a safe place.
Once we got home, Jim was diagnosed with E Coli and treated and is now free of the bacteria. He was never diagnosed in the DR - we were never close enough to doctors and clinics to get a diagnosis. Apparently, once your intestinal system is stressed (from multiple antibiotics and recurring bacterial infections) it is very hard to bring it back to normal so Jim has been on a lactose free, bland diet since we returned. In the past few weeks he has started to eat more normally and has improved. So, that is all good.
What have we been doing since June 13th? Well, the first day back we bought a car and and 2 cell phones. The second day we were home, we looked at house that a friend of a friend was going to put on the market the following week. We loved the house. It was in the part of town we had planned to move to after our Peace Corps service. The price was fair, we needed a place to live, we thought it was the perfect house for us -- just needed a kitchen renovation -- so we bought it!
We had a list of things we really wanted in our down-sized home. A non-creepy basement, a garage, a nice yard with maybe a patio instead of a deck that needs refinishing every couple of years, a front porch, and a sunny spot for a garden. We never expected to really find all of these things in a city neighborhood. We had looked around the Highlands and Crescent Hill many times over the past 8 years or so without ever finding all of those things. Well, guess what -- this house had it all, down to the sunny spot for the garden.
Meanwhile we stayed with a couple of good friends, where we had time to recuperate and regroup, relax and try to get our bearings again. Their hospitality made it possible for us to take the time we needed to refocus.
After a few weeks, we found the perfect little Ford Ranger truck. So now we were up to speed: 2 vehicles, 2 cell phones, and a house.
We moved our first PODS (Portable On-Demand Storage) into the house on July 25th. We had some furniture and quite a few boxes of kitchen items. Since our plan was to re-do the kitchen we sent most of the kitchen boxes to the basement, arranged the other furniture, and sat down to talk about when to order the next PODS. This PODS had stuff from when we sold our house in Oldham County and moved to an apartment in the Highlands, about a year and 1/2 ago. We happened to be sitting on the couch with a good friend, talking about wanting to repaint everything in 6 months or so after we'd settled in, and she said - Really if you're going to paint - do it before you move in the next PODS. So, we did -- and with an old house, it's a lot of work -- but we're making progress - 2nd PODS was delivered last week. Still painting though -- decided to do the whole house -- outside needs it too. Kitchen renovation should start within a week or so. Then I guess we'll be living in the basement.
So, all this is just to say we've been really busy, which is a good thing, because it keeps us from dwelling too much on what we left behind. We're really sorry we couldn't complete what we had set out to do, what we planned for, worked for, trained for, and were ready to do. We miss our friends and co-volunteers in the Dominican Republic, and the people that we met and were just getting to know.
Earlier, I said I was relieved to return home to a comfortable place, and I was. The understanding that I have now, that I didn't have before is how hard it is to live, really live, not just visit, in a different culture. I understood it intellectually, but I didn't feel it. I didn't feel the strain it is to lean forward in every conversation, straining to understand, not just the words but the intent of what is said, and missing it half the time. I didn't understand how much I would miss just sitting comfortably with friends, laughing and talking about shared memories and current events. I didn't know how much I would miss fresh vegetables, spices, chocolate, and protein. I seriously underestimated how much I needed my routines and activities: bike riding, hiking, quilting, jewelry making, genealogical research, and gardening - to feel like myself, to feel complete.
I realize that I had lost my identity -- or that the culture I was in did not recognize my identity -- the things that mean so much to me really were not a part of this new culture and so I was an outsider. It does not feel good to be an outsider. You lose that thing that makes you strong and confident. You often feel clumsy, incapable, and uncertain. It is no fun at all. I know that in time, this would have changed -- or I believe that it would have and the Peace Corps assures you that you will assimilate in time - and they give you a whole list of ways to help with the process, but the process is messy and miserable and only changes by degree. It relieves you of pretenses and defenses and brings about a transformation. But we didn't make the transformation and left during the messy, uncomfortable part, so that is the baggage we dragged home along with our suitcases.
However, it'a a beautiful, cool, sunny day here in Louisville. I have so much and it's mostly good. I'm retired! I live a mile from the park and a mile from the bakery. I have the time I need to think about what to do next. I have a grandson who just started Kindergarten. I have friends, family, and Jim. So life is good and the journey continues.
